Where I come from men are the dominate sex. In my family my father makes just about every decision within the household. Not only does my father hold the upper hand in my family but my brother does not stand too far behind. My brother has been given the liberty to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants with whoever he wants simply becuase of the fact that he is a male. I have been restricted all my life; I have never been able to go out with friends or hang out with certian people or even listen to certian types of music just because I am a woman. "Discrimination against girls and women in the developing world is a devastating reality."
http://www.childreninneed.org/magazine/gender.html#Anchor-Child-47857
My father feels the need to make major decisions in my life. He thinks that I am incappable of choosing what I should go to school for or what I should do with my life. My father feels that there are only three sucessful careers in this world. One is to work anywhere in the medical field, preferable a doctor. Second is to be a lawyer and third is to be an engineer. Any other line of work is considered stupid or useless to them. This being said I am currently persuing a nursing major. I love nursing and wouldnt trade it in for the world but the fact that middle eastern/southasian parents burn certian standards into the minds of their children is wrong. Parents especially the fathers put so much pressure on their children when it comes to school that us kids are often too scared to disapoint them and we learn to push ourselves harder acedemically in order to make, not ourselves but, our parents happy.
http://www.childreninneed.org/magazine/gender.html#Anchor-Child-47857
My father feels the need to make major decisions in my life. He thinks that I am incappable of choosing what I should go to school for or what I should do with my life. My father feels that there are only three sucessful careers in this world. One is to work anywhere in the medical field, preferable a doctor. Second is to be a lawyer and third is to be an engineer. Any other line of work is considered stupid or useless to them. This being said I am currently persuing a nursing major. I love nursing and wouldnt trade it in for the world but the fact that middle eastern/southasian parents burn certian standards into the minds of their children is wrong. Parents especially the fathers put so much pressure on their children when it comes to school that us kids are often too scared to disapoint them and we learn to push ourselves harder acedemically in order to make, not ourselves but, our parents happy.
So what role do my mother and I play in our family? Well, I don't play very much of a role at all; I do what I'm told and I don't mention anything that doesnt need to be mentioned about what goes on in my life. My mother seems to be okay with the way things work at home. She never complains and never questions anyones authority but at the same time she never seems completely happy with her life. I guess theres nothing wrong with living a content life but me on the other hand, I dont want to live contently I want to live happily. I know that there is somethign wrong with the way my family functions. In my eyes, to have no say or no way of truely expressing yourself is and aweful feeling. There have been many times when I have questioned my fathers authority and gotten in a lot of trouble for it. Then, there have been many times when I have wanted to say something but over the years ive leaved to bit my tounge because I know I would be "Crossing the line." In a normal world crossing the line would be saying or doing something disrespectufl but in my world crossing the line is doing anything at all.
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ReplyDeleteIts like i am living your life but as a different person. that is exactly how it goes in my house. its either their way or the highway, which is not fair at all. I am starting to think it is a minority thing. why is it that we live in America. go to school in America; but we have to live like how are parents were raised and brought up as? You just gave me a idea for a new post. Thanks, also great post!
ReplyDeleteRegardless of your culture men have always tried to dominate the world, not just women. Let’s talk testosterone…way too much. Generally speaking parents of many cultures think medicine, law, and engineering are great professions. As women I believe that it is our duty to band together and break any mold that men try to put us in to and create our own mold. I’m not speaking about a feminist point of view. I’m speaking about being able to be the best I can be, at whatever profession it is, as long as I am happy.
ReplyDeleteMen do dominate the world and women should follow the orders of men. Just kidding, please don’t send hate blogs to me now. On a serious note, I’m a father of both a boy and a girl and I tend to let the boy get away with more. It’s not because I feel I need to control the girl but I worry more about the girl in todays world. Boys will be boys and they will learn things the hard way. With girls, they need to be protected more. Should the same rules apply? No, I don’t think so. You may not agree with what your father is saying now, but when you’re a nurse and everything is going good, you’ll be glad he pushed you. You won’t be a woman that depends on a man and in the end you will have the independence your asking for now.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. My father rules in my mom and dad's household as well. Although I have moved out and have my own family, I do remember growing up there. My mom has been left out of decisions for so many years that she really does not know how to make decisions on her own. I also remember growing up with my younger brother. He was younger but had so many more privileges because he was a male. It was so unfair.
ReplyDeleteI'm a guy and I remember living with my dad as a teenager. Back then I really thought my dad was trying to control my life. But now that I'm older and have a family of my own. I now realize that fathers show their affection in a different way from how mothers show theirs. Fathers tend be a little bit more decisive and that sometimes could be miss interpreted as overly possessive and controlling. But in the long run its always best to listen to your parents especially if they seem to have a good understanding of what they are talking about. Personally I think your father has your best interest at heart. However I really believe he's making a mistake if he's trying dictate your career path, because ultimately that should be your decision.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting post, and I want to know more. How old is your brother? How does your mom react to your dad making all the command decisions? Do you ever speak up regarding this? This is a good start--but let's see even more.
ReplyDelete(SP, PR)
I didn't grow up with a male figure and now my kids are down that same path. Their biological father spends very little time with them, so needless to say, I make all the decisions. Yes, I put academic pressure on both my kids where a "C" is unacceptable. If they get a grade of "C" or lower, I get their cell phone until the next grading period. As a parent, I can only hope that they are happy, content and successful with their career choice. The only way I'd put pressure on them is if they were going down the wrong road. However, I would never stand in their way of choosing a career as long as they choose a career and not live with me for the rest of their lives. That most certainly will not do.
ReplyDeleteI can't begin to fathom the thought of having a male or female for that matter make all the decisions or someone trying to make "my" decisions. Oh no, I'd have a huge problem with that.
My parents are both Cuban and much like other cultures both grew up in environments where the rule was one way for males and another for females. My parents have been divorced since I was 4 yrs old. My dad is 85 and the oldest of 9 (he has 6 sisters that are still living). Even now after being divorced, some multiple times, or widowed, they still come to him for all major decisions in their lives.
ReplyDeleteMy mom had physical custody of my sister and me and she raised us more or less to know that what my dad said was law but to also think for ourselves. I've kind of had an opportunity to live in both worlds. I pray that if I have a daughter I can still keep the cultural traditions that I value but also give her a sense of independence and the ability to make major life decisions for herself.
Its a very hard path but it helps that my parents live in Miami and I live in Virginia.