Because I have loved, I will have no sorrow to die.

Do you know that feeling you get when you meet that one special person that you know is going to change your life forever? Well I think I have, but when I realized he was the one I had more than just love butterflies in my stomach. I also had a knot that made me want to throw up when I thought of how my love life is going to effect my life at home. When I met my boyfriend for the first time I knew he was going to stay a part of my life forever. It was so unexpected and so random but at the same time it was so meant to be.

I knew right off the bat that some serious sacrifices were going to be made sooner or later. For months I kept him a secret because that's what was necessary. It was not hard at first; having to keep everything in my life a secret is second nature. I have had so many restrictions put on me as a child that I have learned how to get around the rules and I have been forced to lie about small insignificant things. Soon after we met he was deployed to Iraq. This made some aspects of our relationship easier and some harder. It was obviously very difficult for me to be away from him and I missed him terribly all the time. But it was easier when it came down to my family because there was a less of a chance of me getting caught with him. I soon came to figure out that it didnt matter if he was all the way across the world in Iraq or just down the street in Quantico, the truth about our relationship was going to come out in the open.

It was Oct. 11, 2009 when my entire world turned inside out. My parents found out about my boyfriend. I had came home from school one evening and when i walked into my room there was my mother, sitting on my bed along with proof of my relationship. There right next to her layed on the bed were one of his dogtags, the letters he had wrote, and pictures. I thought that I had done a well job at hiding everything in my room but apparently it wasnt well enough. My mom had been going through all of my stuff; she was looking for a fight. As she sat there part of me was scared but a bigger part of me was ready. I knew that there was no lie or excuse to get me out of this predicament. I knew I had to face the consequences for the choice I had made by having a boyfriend.

I was terrified because not only did they find out about my boyfriend but the fact that he was still overseas left me all on my own. There are just not words to explain how I felt. I was scared but more than that I was mad. I was angry that they couldn't just be happy for me or accept me for who I am. I was mad that they wouldnt even try to see things from my point of view and they didnt even want to listen to me when I tried to explain how in love I was. We argued and fought for days. My parents kept pressuring me into breaking up with my boyfriend and never speaking or seeing him again. I didnt back down at all. My entire life I have been told what to do and my entire life I have listened. I dont know why but something in my heart just told me that if I didnt fight for who I love then I would never stand up for myself or fight for anything. Through all the yelling and crying one thing was said that just hit me really hard. My father looked and me and then pointed to my mother and said "Dont ruin our lives kiran." At that moment I realized just how narrow minded my parents were. "Dont ruin OUR lives." I repeated it to myself over and over in my head. They continued to talk and yell and cry and for a split second everything around me froze as I repeated his words in my head. I couldnt bring myself to understand how me falling in love would ruin their lives. Now I could see how they would be worried about a 20 year old marine breaking my heart and ruining MY life but that obviously wasnt what they were worried about. They saw the pain in my eyes and how this was tearing my heart up and yet they were selfish enough to worry about how their own lives; but not the life of their only daughter, would be effected.


After fighting over and over again my parents began to realize that I was not backing down and I was more than ready to fight for love. This came as a suprise to them becuase I have never been the type to fight and argue so they didnt know how to approach the situation. Eventually, they began to back down and they never stopped encouraging me to forget about him but instead of constant fighting they pushed me to focus on other things so thats exactly what I did. My boyfriend was always a part of the picture but as long as my parents thought I was concentrated on other priorities there was no fighting in the house and I was very content with that. At the time, I thought not having my boyfriend around was extremely difficult but now that I look back I realize that it was for the best. Although, I had to go through this hard time all by myself it allowed me to think and make decisions without any bias opinion. I know if my boyfriend was around I would have only listened to what he had to say but because I had no one I was forced to look at all my options and think with a straight head on my shoulders.



Although I caught hell when my parents found out, I'm glad that it happened. They had to find out sooner or later. Throughout this entire expierence I came to find that not once did I feel guilty. I felt sad and mad; I was hurt and I know I was hurting my parents but I didn't feel guilty at all for going agaisnt my parents wishes. I think i didnt feel guilty because i felt like i wasnt doing anything wrong. Love is a special bond between you and another person; it should not be anyones place to tell you who to love or how to love or when to love. I feel like being with someone is a decision that you make on your own and your family should only step in when you need them to. They should be there to support and be happy for you or if anything were to go wrong they should be there to confort you and help you get back on your feet. In my case, if I decide to stay with my bofriend then I will be completely on my own. That is a sacrifice that I am wiling to make.